When the Holidays Feel Hard for Your Kids: A Parent's Guide to Helping Children Cope with Holiday Stress

Your Child Is Watching And Feeling More Than You Think

You've noticed it. The way your normally easy-going kid suddenly melts down over small things. How your teenager has been holed up in their room more than usual. The stomach aches that appear before family gatherings. The clinginess. The attitude. The tears that seem to come from nowhere.

And you're wondering: Is it just me, or are the holidays making my child stressed too?

It's not just you. Children and adolescents are just as likely to experience seasonal stress as adults, with the highest rate of child psychiatric hospitalizations actually occurring during the winter months. Your child doesn't need you to make the holidays perfect. They need you to see what they're feeling and help them through it.

This is a guide for the parent who's worried, who's watching their child struggle, and who wants to help.

Why Kids Feel the Weight of the Holidays

Children experience the holidays through a completely different lens than we do. What looks like excitement and celebration to us can feel overwhelming, confusing, or even painful to them. Here's what might be happening beneath the surface.

When Everything Changes at Once

Think about what changes for kids during the holidays: School ends. Bedtimes shift. Meals happen at different times. The house is filled with people. Plans change constantly. For children (especially those who already struggle with anxiety or who are neurodivergent) this disruption to routine can feel destabilizing.

A long winter recess from school upsets students who crave routine and structure, and large gatherings tend to overwhelm those with autism and social anxiety. Your child isn't being difficult. They're trying to find their footing when everything familiar has shifted.

They're Absorbing Your Stress

Adults are stressed and children are picking up on that. Even when you think you're hiding it well, your child notices. The tension in your voice when you're on the phone. The way you sigh when you look at your to-do list. The worry lines between your eyebrows.

Stress tends to seep through the household, and your child feels it even if they can't name it. According to a Mott poll, 20% of parents acknowledge that their own stress level negatively affects their child's enjoyment of the holidays.

Your child might not understand why the house feels tense, but they feel the shift. And when their safe adults seem stressed, their world feels less safe.

The Grief They're Carrying

Maybe this is the first holiday without someone they loved. Maybe they're one of the many children navigating divorced or separated families, trying to figure out where they belong when they have to split time between two homes.

Dividing time between two households during the holidays can be emotionally burdensome for children, bringing up feelings of sadness, guilt, or confusion. They might feel torn between wanting to be with both parents. They might worry about the parent they're not with. They might feel like celebrating means being disloyal to someone.

If your family has experienced loss or change, the holidays magnify it for children just as much as they do for adults. Maybe more, because children often don't have the words to express what they're feeling.

The Pressure to Measure Up

Your child sees the commercials. They might scroll through social media. They hear their classmates talking about elaborate plans and expensive gifts. One in five parents believes their child has unrealistic expectations for the holiday season, but often those expectations come from a world that tells children the holidays should look a certain way.

Teenagers, especially, can fall into comparison traps, feeling like their holidays, their families, or their gifts don't measure up to what they see online. Even younger children can feel the pressure of gift exchanges at school or parties where they're suddenly aware of what they have versus what others have.

When Food Becomes Complicated

For some children and teens, holiday gatherings centered around food can trigger real anxiety. Concerns about body image, comments from relatives about how much they've grown or what they're eating, or struggles with disordered eating can turn celebratory meals into sources of stress.

If your child seems preoccupied with food during the holidays, unusually anxious around mealtimes, or if you notice changes in their eating patterns, pay attention. This isn't typical holiday pickiness, it might be something that needs your gentle attention and possibly professional support.

The Letdown When It's Over

After weeks of buildup and excitement, the holidays end. The decorations come down. School starts again. And suddenly your child feels... flat. Disappointed. Maybe even a little sad.

The post-holiday letdown is real for children. That restlessness or moodiness you're seeing isn't them being ungrateful, it's the natural crash after an emotionally intense period. Their nervous system has been on high alert, and now it needs time to recalibrate.

What Holiday Stress Actually Looks Like in Kids

Not all stress looks the same. Some children withdraw, becoming quiet and clingy. Others act out, seeming suddenly defiant or explosive over small things. Signs that children are stressed may include emotional outbursts, increased irritability, trouble sleeping, withdrawal from others, struggles in school, frequent complaints of headaches or stomach aches, and increased defiance.

Your normally independent child might suddenly need you constantly. Your usually cheerful teenager might snap at everyone. Your good student might be struggling to focus.

These aren't character flaws. They're distress signals.

If you're seeing:

• Sleep problems: trouble falling asleep, nightmares, or wanting to sleep more than usual
• Physical complaints: stomach aches, headaches, or feeling sick before events
• Mood changes: more irritable, sad, or emotionally reactive than usual
• Social withdrawal: pulling away from friends or family
• Acting younger: regression in behaviors they'd outgrown
• Increased defiance or aggression: pushing boundaries more than usual

Your child is showing you, in the only way they know how, that something feels too hard right now.

How to Help Your Child Find Their Footing

Give Them Something Solid to Stand On

In the middle of all the holiday chaos, keep some things consistent. If breaks in routines are a problem for your child, give them a few weeks' warning before the start of school vacation and create a written or visual schedule for the break.

This doesn't mean you can't have special plans. It means anchoring those plans with predictability. Keep bedtime close to normal. Maintain morning and evening routines. Give advance notice about changes: "Tomorrow after lunch, we're going to Grandma's. We'll be there for about three hours, then we'll come home for dinner."

For younger children or those who are visual learners, a simple calendar showing what's happening each day can reduce anxiety significantly. Let them cross off days or add stickers. Give them a sense of control in what feels like an unpredictable time.

Build in Breathing Room

You don't have to say yes to everything. In fact, you probably shouldn't.

All of the extra shopping and holiday tasks, keeping family members healthy and household finances can be stressful. But beyond your own stress, consider what your child's schedule looks like. Are they going from one event to another? Do they have any downtime?

Create space between activities for your child to just... be. To play quietly in their room. To read. To do nothing. Overstimulation is real, and children need time to process and decompress, especially if they're naturally more introverted or sensitive.

Before a big gathering, build in quiet time. After an exciting event, plan for low-key activities the next day. Watch for signs they're hitting their limit and honor those signals.

Let Them See You Managing Stress

Parents should remember that their kids are watching and learning. The holiday season may be a time for parents to model good mental health hygiene by verbalizing how they recognize and try to relieve stress.

This doesn't mean dumping your adult problems on your child. It means letting them see healthy coping in action:

"I'm feeling overwhelmed with everything I need to do today. I'm going to take a few deep breaths and make a list so I feel more organized."

"I'm frustrated right now, so I'm going to step outside for a minute to cool down."

"I've been really busy, and I need some quiet time. I'm going to read for a bit."

When you name your emotions and show them how you manage them, you give your child permission to do the same. You show them that feelings aren't emergencies, They're information, and there are ways to work through them.

Create Space for Their Feelings

Ask open-ended questions and then, this is the hard part, just listen. Don't rush to fix it or cheer them up.

"How are you feeling about the holidays this year?"

"What part are you excited about? What part feels hard?"

"I noticed you seemed upset earlier. Want to talk about it?"

For younger children who can't always put feelings into words, try other outlets. Drawing. Playing. Physical activity. Sometimes feelings come out through action before they can be spoken.

And when they do share something hard (that they're sad, worried, or scared) resist the urge to immediately make it better. Validate it first: "That makes sense. I can see why you'd feel that way." Your child needs to know their feelings are okay before they can learn to work through them.

Prepare Them for What's Coming

If you know a family gathering might be tense, give your child an age-appropriate context. Depending on the age of the child, help them put words to the complicated feelings they are experiencing.

For younger children: "Sometimes grown-ups don't agree about things, and you might hear some people talking loudly. That's not your fault, and you can always come sit with me."

For older children or teens: "Uncle Joe and Aunt Sarah have been going through some hard things, so they might not seem very happy. That's about their stuff, not about us."

It can help to host holiday events at home, where children feel more comfortable, and discuss expectations with kids about proper behavior at a party. Let them know what to expect, identify a safe person they can stay near, and agree on a signal if they need to step away.

Having a plan makes scary things feel more manageable.

When Your Family Has Changed

If your child is navigating divorced or separated parents, the holidays can bring up complicated feelings about loyalty, fairness, and loss. The holiday season can trigger complex emotions for children from divorced families, including sadness about family changes, loyalty conflicts between parents, and anxiety about different holiday arrangements.

What They Need From You

Permission to love both parents. Avoid putting children in the middle of holiday planning discussions or asking them to choose between parents for specific celebrations. Never make them feel guilty for being excited about time with their other parents.

Reassurance that different can still be good. Reassure children that they'll have wonderful holidays with both parents and that different doesn't mean less special. Create new traditions in your home that they can look forward to.

Stability in the chaos. Have clear plans well in advance. Know exactly when transitions happen, where, and what to bring. Don't put your child in the position of messenger between parents.

Space for their grief. They might miss the way holidays used to be. They might feel sad even while having fun. Let both things be true. "I know this is different from before. It's okay to miss how things were while also making new good memories."

If they're splitting time between homes, help them pack comfort items that travel. Let them know exactly when they'll see you again. Call or video chat on the days you're apart, not to check up, but to connect and reassure.

What You Need Too

Take care of yourself. By its very nature, a parenting plan may mean that your child will not be with you during some holidays. The first holiday without your child is brutal. Make plans with people who support you. Don't spend that time alone and lonely.

Your child will pick up on how you handle this. If you can show them that you're okay and that you have your own support and your own joy, It helps them relax and enjoy their time with their other parents without worrying about you.

The Small Things That Help

Physical Movement

Get them outside, even briefly. Let them run, play, jump, or just walk. Physical activity genuinely reduces stress and anxiety in children. A simple daily walk, throwing a ball, or building a snowman can help more than you'd think.

Comfort and Consistency

Let them have their comfort items: favorite stuffed animals, blankets, and snacks. Don't worry about whether they're "too old" for that. Stress makes everyone seek comfort, and that's healthy, not regression.

Connection Over Perfection

For many parents, stress is tied to placing unrealistic expectations on themselves to create a joyful holiday even if they don't have enough time, money or help to celebrate in the way they've envisioned.

But here's what your child will actually remember: Did they feel safe? Did they feel loved? Did they have your attention?

They won't remember if the cookies were homemade or if the house was perfectly decorated. They'll remember if you were present with them—laughing at their jokes, listening to their stories, being there emotionally and not just physically.

Choose one or two traditions that truly matter to your family and protect those. Let everything else be negotiable.

When Professional Support Makes Sense

Sometimes the support your child needs goes beyond what you can provide at home, and that's okay. The intensity of the holidays can often make mental health conditions worse.

If your child's stress persists for weeks, if it's interfering with sleep, eating, friendships, or school, or if they seem to be withdrawing significantly, reach out for professional support.

Consider connecting with a therapist or counselor if:

• The signs of stress aren't improving with time and support
• Your child mentions not wanting to be here or feeling hopeless
• Their anxiety is limiting their daily activities
• You're seeing significant changes in eating or sleeping
• They're using substances to cope (older children and teens)
• You're worried and your gut is telling you something needs more attention
• 
  

Anazao Community Partners offers compassionate mental health support for children, adolescents, and families. Sometimes having an outside person your child can talk to (someone who isn't in the middle of all the family dynamics) provides the space they need to work through what they're feeling.

A Reminder for You, Weary Parent

Twice as many mothers than fathers report high levels of holiday stress, often because mothers typically carry the mental and emotional load of making holidays happen.

You're reading this because you care. Because you're paying attention to your child's well-being even when you're exhausted. Because you want to get this right.

That care? That attention? That's what your child needs most.

You don't have to orchestrate perfect holidays. You don't have to make everything magical. You just have to be present and notice when they're struggling, to create space for their feelings, and to let them know they're not alone in whatever they're carrying.

Your child doesn't need you to fix everything. They need you to see them, to stay calm and steady, and to walk through this season alongside them.

That's what you're already doing by being here, by reading this, by caring enough to ask how to help.

That's not just enough. That's everything.

If your child is struggling this holiday season and you need support or guidance, Anazao Community Partners is here. Our community care workers and mental health professionals understand that families come in all shapes, and every child deserves support through difficult seasons. You don't have to navigate this alone. Reach out, and we'll walk with you.